what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
