Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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