Moan for me like Helen Keller
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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