I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
