We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
