It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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