i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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