do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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