so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
