Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
