can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
