my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize