I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
