i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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