just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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