I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
