i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
