dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
