You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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