Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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