OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
