I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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