I wish I could punch you in the face.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
