I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize