so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
