You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
