at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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