i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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