We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
