my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
