Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
