Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
