It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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