i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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