who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
