I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
