Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
