My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
