you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
