There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
