First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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