what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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