I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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