Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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