He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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