I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
