i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
