mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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