Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
