I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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