You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
