How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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