Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Michael Bay diarrhea
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
