He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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