I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
