The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
