Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just want nice things and good sex
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
