He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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