I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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