I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
