covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
