I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
