I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
