Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I faked an abortion last night.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
