yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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