I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just want to make out with him forever
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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