don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
tequila makes me forget i have legs
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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